The Death and Rebirth of Fanboys

Fanboys.
 
The very word strikes fear into the heart of civilized peoples around the world.  Every year these parasites travel their migratory patterns across the internet, searching for the things they need to survive and not caring who gets in their way.  For food, they subsist off of their own self-satisfaction, which they generate through insults against a rival tribe, or by pointing out ‘facts’ that are usually either logical fallacies or outright mistruths.  Fascinating creatures.  For shelter, they take up residence whereever they can find those belonging to their tribe, and usually whereever there are as many rival tribe members as possible.  Amazing creatures.  For their mating drive, they are able to satiate themselves solely on the belief that somewhere out there there are thousands of women who would do them at the drop of a hat.  Crikey.
 
The fanboy has, in the past few generations, had an unending supply of ammunition to fuel their personal fires.  The fact that there have been three major consoles, and now two handhelds as well, seems to have driven the irrationality up, not down.  Camps are now further divided than they ever have been before, and with the advent of the internet’s anonymity, the tactics have become increasingly more ruthless.
 
Most of the past two years, though, have been relatively quiet.  The Wii enjoyed its little niche, and because it was so different, fans of it were content to be fans of another system as well.  The PS3 and PSP were tanking for the most part, so due to this fact, you had a full 1/3 of the fanboy community sitting on its hands in hushed disappointment, anxiously hoping the plastic in their hands would one day be worth something.  The relative calm on the internet was quite enjoyable, really.  Then things had to go and change.  Goddammit.
 
Thanks to an increasing amount of non-shovelware like Smash Bros and Mario Kart Wii, the Wii is starting to be seen as less of a niche, more of a member of the Big 3 again.  Games like Crisis Core and Monster Hunter (wtf??) have driven PSP sales to levels no one could have suspected prior to their announcement.  MGS4 and the recent success of Blu-Ray have saved the PS3 from the brink of extinction.  What do all of these things have in common?
 
They’re all exclusives.  In the end, when you have systems that have pretty much the same capability (let’s exclude Nintendo systems from the argument for one second), the only real differences you have are the games available on each system.  This is the factor that will defy all others: hardware reliability, controller preference, online supremacy.  Consumers will ignore these factors if they can only get the game they really want to play on a certain system.  Even the Wii and DS, with their lack of graphical power, make up for this with their unique gameplay, which many treat as an "exclusive" itself.  Assuming graphics aren’t an issue and the controls are as tight as you could possibly want, would you rather play something like Burnout on the Wii or the 360?
 
So in the end… exclusives are to blame.  Now I’m not saying every game should be on every system, just that the sheer amount of such good exclusives are what fuel a fanboy’s rage.  That, and whatever system their parents happened to get them for Christmas.  Just disregard any other arguments, ok?  PS3 does this, 360 does that, Wii only has waggle, blah blah blah STOP IT.  It’s the games that matter, ok?  None of this "My console’s dick is bigger than your console’s dick" bullshit.
 
Here are a list of the upcoming exclusives for the Big 3.  When all is said and done, pick your console preference off of the games and stop wagging its dick around in front of the rest of us, ok?
 
Wii 360 PS3
Animal Crossing Wii
Final Fantasy Fables:
     Chocobo’s Dungeon
Harvest Moon Wii
Sam & Max Season 1
Strong Bad’s Game for
     Cool People
Samba de Amigo
Mario Super Sluggers
Elebits 2
Fatal Frame IV
Fragile: Farewell Ruins of
     the Moon
Kirby Wii
Little King’s Story
MadWorld
Monster Hunter 3
Red Steel 2
Sadness
Swords of Legendia
Tenchu 4
Wario Land: Shake
     Dimension
Wii Music
Naruto: Clash of
     Revolution 2
Fable 2
Star Ocean 4
Halo Wars
Halo Chronicles
Operation Darkness
Unannounced Treasure
     game
Too Human
Gears of War 2
Tales of Vesperia
Left 4 Dead
Splinter Cell: Conviction
Banjo-Kazooie 3
Cry On (new Mistwalker
     game)
Forza 3
APB
Huxley
Infinite Undiscovery
Mass Effect 2
Zoids Assault
SOCOM
Final Fantasy XIII
Final Fantasy Versus XIII
LittleBigPlanet
Killzone 2
Resistance 2
White Knight Chronicles
Valkyria Chronicles
Buzz
Disgaea 3
Gran Turismo 5
God of War 3
inFamous
new Jak & Daxter
L.A. Noire
Metal Gear Online
Motorstorm 2
Siren: Blood Curse
new Twisted Metal