The Sony PSP Go Fuck Yourself

So Sony has leaked (how can it be a leak if it comes officially from the company?) information on the PSP 2, or, as they are calling it, the PSP Go. (UPDATE: It seems as though it’s more like the PSP-4000. Nothing indicates there are any hardware upgrades present.) I’ve read over the information we have so far, and what, you may ask, is RurouniQ’s opinion on this?

Utter fail, for one major reason: There is still no second analog stick. Some might say that it’s not kosher to condemn a new system based on one aspect of it, but bear with me here and read on.

In my opinion, the lack of the second analog was the leading factor in the lack of success for the PSP. Without a second analog, the first PSP was crippled. Not only did it limit the play styles that were available, but it forced developers to try and shoehorn existing control schemes into its limited options, which, in the end, made otherwise good games unplayable. And when a game is not worth buying but someone wants to play it anyway, what are they going to do? Pirate it. Then there’s the whole PS1 emulator thing; this is great for certain games like Final Fantasy, but it ruins others that needed the second analog stick or 4 trigger buttons. Sony had a chance to start from square one with this new system, and what do they do? They blow it. Stupid fucking Sony. What’s more, the one existing stick looks like it’s in a much more uncomfortable place now. What, am I supposed to hold it from the bottom side now just to get to it?

The only significant  saving grace is the lack of UMD, although, if there is no actual disk or cartridge being sold in stores, this may signal the start of the death of brick-and-mortar sales, and because of that, brick-and-mortar stores may choose to poorly support hardware sales.

Let’s go over some of the other features, shall we?

43% lighter than the PSP-3000: Thumbs up. Can’t really say anything bad about that! The lack of UMD motors to spin is most likely what contributes to this.

16GB Flash Memory: Thumbs up. This was sorely needed on the original PSP, but would have not have been cost-feasible at that time.

Memory Stick Micro support: Thumbs down. You mean if I want to go beyond my existing 16GB, I can’t use my existing PSP memory stick? Fail.

New Games On the Way: One thumb up, one thumb down. New Gran Turismo? I’ll believe it when I see it. They said the same thing about PSP and we’re still waiting. New Little Big Planet? Ok, totally sweet. You may have me there if this thing is affordable. New Metal Gear Solid? Hmm, that countdown site for Kojima Productions is looking a little less sweet right now.

Not Going to Replace the PSP1: Thumbs down. On one hand, it’s great to see continued support for the dedicated’s investment. On the other hand, it’s time to pull the plug on this one, Sony. This thing has been on artificial life support for years now. This isn’t the PS2; you can’t expect it to hold itself up once you talk away the walker. What’s more, this might mean that Sony thinks it can offer a tiered handheld system, one at a budget price and one at a premium price. PULL THE PLUG. LET IT GO. (UPDATE: Since this is essentially just a new model of PSP, this seems to be just a "premium" model and nothing more. You mean I can pay more for a system that doesn’t offer any real improvements other than built-in memory? Joy.)

Other Information: Thumbs down. What other information? Is it backwards compatible? We don’t know yet. Is it graphically any more powerful than its predecessor? We don’t know yet. What will the price be? PSP Go fuck yourselves. (UPDATE: Again, it’s the PSP-4000. No graphic updates, and the price is $249.99. Definitely thumbs down.)

All in all, I have to say that so far, this appears to be yet another three-hour tour aboard the failboat. I may be proven wrong in the future, and I will try to be gracious and admit I’m wrong if/when that happens. But for now, I wag my finger at Sony and admonish them for not learning from their past mistakes. Things like this make me truly concerned for their future as a company, because any body, whether it be a person, a government, or a company, that can’t learn from its mistakes is in for a world of hurt.