Fit to Print
Scattershot one-liners on various news in the gaming world.
OnLive Apparently Works—It’s okay relentless nay-sayers, you can just complain that the latency is unacceptable for another couple of months while the rest of the world dives on it, then sidle discretely over to a “Best Buy” when no one’s looking.
The 3DS—Continues to be an embarrassment to the hundreds of Sony reps around the world that really honestly want you to drop $1,000 on unproven technology and wear knock-off Oakleys indoors.
360 Slim—It still melts its own motherboard (you know the old saying: “Don’t fix what is horribly, horribly broken”), but now it has the courtesy to interrupt your game and inform you first, which is a little bit like a crazy person mailing you a signed affidavit reading, “I’m About to Crap On Your Lawn.”
Counter Strike on Mac—The whole reason I purchased a Mac was to flee from the cold, emotionless gaze of that joyless experience.
WarHammer 40,000: Space Marine—This is kind of like when George Romero came back and started making zombie movies again: it’s just too late.
Criterion Making NFS: Hot Pursuit—Suck on THAT anyone who says there isn’t a God.
BulletStorm—You know, gaming community, you could go a long way towards improving our image to the rest of the world if you’d stop buying games that have a move called “Gang Bang.”
Valve Embraces the PS3—You can only make a company that lives for free content charge 560 MS points so many times, and then you deserve it when you catch them in the next door neighbor’s bedroom.
Korea Made a Starcraft II Jet—They’ve had to pass laws to regulate WoW, they still play “Starcraft” on their national television networks, can Korea even handle another ridiculously addicting Blizzard title?
Alpha Protocol is a Buggy Disappointment—Which makes me realize that Obsidian has never really been that great a studio.
Transformers: War for Cybertron is Pretty Good-And yet, without the contrast between giant robots and everyday objects, somehow the magic of the entire franchise is kind of lost.