Fit to Print

Scattershot one-liners on various news in the gaming world.

OnLive Apparently Works—It’s okay relentless nay-sayers, you can just complain that the latency is unacceptable for another couple of months while the rest of the world dives on it, then sidle discretely over to a “Best Buy” when no one’s looking.

The 3DS—Continues to be an embarrassment to the hundreds of Sony reps around the world that really honestly want you to drop $1,000 on unproven technology and wear knock-off Oakleys indoors.

360 Slim—It still melts its own motherboard (you know the old saying: “Don’t fix what is horribly, horribly broken”), but now it has the courtesy to interrupt your game and inform you first, which is a little bit like a crazy person mailing you a signed affidavit reading, “I’m About to Crap On Your Lawn.”

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Counter Strike on Mac—The whole reason I purchased a Mac was to flee from the cold, emotionless gaze of that joyless experience.

WarHammer 40,000: Space Marine—This is kind of like when George Romero came back and started making zombie movies again: it’s just too late.

Criterion Making NFS: Hot Pursuit—Suck on THAT anyone who says there isn’t a God.

BulletStorm—You know, gaming community, you could go a long way towards improving our image to the rest of the world if you’d stop buying games that have a move called “Gang Bang.”

Valve Embraces the PS3—You can only make a company that lives for free content charge 560 MS points so many times, and then you deserve it when you catch them in the next door neighbor’s bedroom.

Korea Made a Starcraft II Jet—They’ve had to pass laws to regulate WoW, they still play “Starcraft” on their national television networks, can Korea even handle another ridiculously addicting Blizzard title?

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Alpha Protocol is a Buggy Disappointment—Which makes me realize that Obsidian has never really been that great a studio.

Transformers: War for Cybertron is Pretty Good-And yet, without the contrast between giant robots and everyday objects, somehow the magic of the entire franchise is kind of lost.