The Number One Thing Xbox Live Is Missing
We have a problem. I don’t know if you know this, but your service has become a social strata, with its own rules and standards. When someone you actually care about (as opposed to the random friends we all have and ignore) messages you asking to Party up, or play a game, that comes with a level of social obligation to not just be a dick and ignore them. And if you get a whole bunch of messages back to back, or if you’re at a crucial juncture in “Baby Maker 2 Extreme” and can’t reply, you can quickly become overwhelmed.
We need a solution to this problem. Leaving voice replies is a whole process, and let’s not even get into typing out a textual retaliation. And no, before you ask, I will not buy one of those QWERTY texting pads you started selling. Owning that thing is like wearing sweat pants in public, you’ve just given up on having a life or appearing attractive. If a woman ever saw that in my house, she would tell all the other women, and the Allen line would not pass down through the generations. No, it just won’t do.
Fortunately, I have the solution we need! It’s simple, it’ll cost you nothing to implement it, Microsoft, and it just might be the single most helpful addition in XBL history. Hit the jump to see what it is!
Why not introduce a short menu of canned responses? They could either be hot-keyed to controller buttons, or just arranged in a sub-menu underneath “Join Party” and “Join Party and Game.” This way, when I receive a party invite, I could immediately select a reply and get back to that “My Little Pony” demo I was so rudely pulled out of.
But what would this sub-menu contain? Don’t worry, I’ve thought of that, too! I call it the “Sorry Menu,” or alternately the “Menu of Sorrow.” It’s a list of the most commonly occurring things I wish I could quickly say to someone without going to the trouble of messaging them. Here they are!
-”Sorry, I can’t find my microphone.”
-”Sorry, my microphone doesn’t work.”
-”Sorry, it’s not letting me join your party.” (with an optional follow-up of…) “My NAT is moderate, this tends to happen.”
-”Sorry, this is not actually [insert gamer tag here].”
-”Sorry, the party I’m currently in needs my attention.”
-”Sorry, this is a dialog-heavy game, I actually need to be listening.”
-”Sorry, there are other people in the room I have to talk to.”
-”Sorry, my Xbox is on, but I’m away from it.” (this would need to be set as an auto-reply)
-”Sorry, I’m playing ‘Call of Duty,’ and it’s blocking party usage like the massive tool it is.”
-”Sorry, people are sleeping in my house and I can’t make noise.”
-”Sorry, I’m really focused on the game right now.”
-”Sorry, I’m watching Netflix.”
-”Sorry, I’m going to be logging off in a minute.”
-”Sorry, I didn’t see that you messaged me earlier.”
-”Sorry, I don’t remember who the hell you are.”
i just wanted to have some hijinks