Talking to Games: Catherine
My apologies in advance to Andrew Allen for stealing his format and Mecha for writing an article that will surely piss him off, buuuuut it’s time once again for another edition of Talking to Games!
Today we sit down with the latest sex puzzler to hit the market, Catherine. For those of you unfamiliar with the format, this segment is one where we have a one-on-one (intimate, if you will) conversation with a game, and really get to know it, as a person. Just… trust me on this, ok? Look, there’s more boobs after the break, how’s that sound?
Ah good, now that I have your attention, let’s do this after the break. BTW, this is probably going to be a rather NSFW conversation. I promise nothing.
(Q: Me, G: Game)
G: Hey there you.
Q: Um… hi?
Q: Uh thanks. And you’ve got… nice… tits… spilling out… there.
G: Glad you like.
Q: Right there on the cover for everyone to see.
G: A woman shouldn’t be afraid to show what she’s got, right?
Q: Well, that’s not…
G: And I got… it… all. Come on. Take me out. Put me in.
Q: Wait, put you…
G: I’ll show you everything I got if you play me. Katherine will too, if you’re into that glasses sort of thing.
Q: Play… you? So what, you’re like a hentai game or something?
G: *giggles* Something…
Q: Ok no. No no no. Look I’m a married man…
G: *giggles* Come on… Play with me… I’ve got puzzles.
Q: You’ve… Wait, what? Puzzles?! Well that’s not…
G: Climbing puzzles.
Q: … Huh?
G: They’re sooooo hard.
Q: Um, I’m very confused now. I thought you were a… Not a…
G: Sex game, yes.
Q: No, I meant… I mean… Why do you even have climbing puzzles?
G: Well, I am Japanese.
Q: Funny, you don’t look it. Except for maybe a bit in the eyes.
G: *giggles* I just think you need a little more… incentive.
(Rustling of clothing being shed)
Q: WOAH. Alright. Turning away now. That’s a cock. A biiig hard stiffy. I did NOT expect this sort of thing from a… game like you.
G: I told you I was hard… Come on. You know you like it.
Q: So I can’t even get to the good stuff until I get past the… hard bits? The parts of the game I don’t even want to deal with?
G: Oh I’m worth it.
Q: Fuck. Admiral Ackbar was right. I knew this game was a trap all along.