Go Play The Assassin’s Creed Beta!

Dear Reader,

You’re wasting your life. Seriously, precious hours of the day are draining away, and you’re not playing the “Assassin’s Creed: Revelations” multiplayer beta. It’s only going to be available for three more days, damn it! Rectify that shiznit. What’s that, you say? You say you’re not a Playstation Plus member? Of course you’re not. If you were, you’d be in a Somali prison right now, because Taiwanese hackers would have already made their way past Sony’s pathetic online security and sold your identity to international terrorists.

But there’s good news: you don’t need to poop in a hole in the ground in East Africa to play “Revelations” anymore. The beta went so well that Ubisoft and Sony are opening it up to all PSN members. But act fast, people, because as I mentioned, you’ve only got until this Sunday to gorge yourself.


i can only express surprise bordering on alarm