Here’s A Dark Souls Trailer, You Bunch of Freaks

Dear Reader,

I…I just…what’s wrong with you people? You’re just lining up for punishment, and I don’t understand it. “Dark Souls” is coming, and it’s promising to slap you around like it doesn’t respect you, and you couldn’t be more excited. To me, a game telling me at the outset “I’m maddeningly difficult, to the point that you will scream and beg for mercy” is a little like a woman who wants to sleep with me advising beforehand that she has gonorrhea. It’s the kind of thing you normally find out after it’s too late, but if you knew ahead of time, why would you proceed? Isn’t being angry a bad thing? Doesn’t agony hurt? What am I missing here?

But you sick freaks have to get your jollies, I suppose, so here’s a trailer for you to salivate over. Soon “Dark Souls” will be here, twisting your nipples until you cry, and apparently you can’t wait. I don’t even want to know what you guys are into in the bedroom.