GTA III on iPhone Is…Wait, GTA III is on the iPhone?

Dear Reader,

Even as I play “Grand Theft Auto III” on my iPhone, I don’t really believe it’s possible. I was already grappling with the reality of “Infinity Blade,” but I explained it away with the very linear range of movement, not to mention a seemingly endless ocean of bugs and glitches. This I cannot explain. Here is a massive Playstation 2 title, running at full speed with embarrassingly brief load times, on a phone.

What in the hell kind of insane future world are we living in?

I was never actually a big fan of GTA3, and replaying it here reminds me of why: it’s a cold, dead story experience. Sure, the sandbox element was revolutionary, but I remember feeling so detached from my avatar that I couldn’t immerse in the environment, and that remains true. He’s just a white guy in a leather jacket, with no discernible moods, feelings or even preferences. He seems fond of baseball bats, and their unique ergonomic potential when used upside someone’s head. Beyond that, zilch.

Still, seeing something this massive run on a smart phone is like the Eighth Wonder of the World. Someone better stop these people before they take over our entire industry.


you’ll have to sow them back on first